i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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