Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
