Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
