when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
