yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
