He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
