If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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