he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
