i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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