you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize