No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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