Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
