I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
