Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
