the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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