this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
