The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
