KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This is the high leading the old right now
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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