if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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