she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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