what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
