In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
