if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
