I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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