Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
