Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
