Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
