Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
