the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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