this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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