Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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