Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
