Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
