Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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