his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
