He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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