I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
