Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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