Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
