i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
