This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
