I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
