I wanna bring you to show and tell
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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