It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
