ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
