Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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