He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
