She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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