we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
