Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
