I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
