my vag is so smooth its legendary
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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